“Ah! The Diabolical Dice, Throwing them on the ground may open up a portal to the Demonic Dimensions and release the horrors within upon your adversaries…if you’re lucky. One word of caution though—don’t ever throw it when alone. The fiends lack loyalty, and their notion of nourishment is quite disturbing.” “I guess I won’t need it now, obviously.” Dropping the dice into a pocket, I took in the fresh new surroundings. A placid pool bubbled through damp, grey-black rocks in calm streams amid freshly moistened mud. Behind me, an imposing waterfall crashed down many feet into the main pool, lightly dousing me with spray.
“What is this place? The…Pool of Tears?” “Indeed…your memory seems quite well on this account.” “But…it’s grown since the last time I was here. By a lot.” “The water in the Pool comprises of the…tears of Wonderlanders, which have, ever since the tyranny of the Red Queen, been produced in rather copious amounts, as you can quite clearly see. In fact, it is now known as the vale, rather than the Pool, of Tears,” explained Chessur patiently. Turning to look at the waterfall, I suddenly spotted the no longer minuscule Rabbit (to me at least) peeking out from one rocky outcrop before proceeding to leap up the waterfall using the jutting rocks. At the same time, and alert…Red ant, in what seemed like full soldier uniform, with his rifle and golden insignias which glinted in the bright sunlight. Having spotted the Rabbit skulking about, the Ant Soldier heaved one heavy-looking boulder and shoved it off his outpost at the top of the falls. However, the rabbit was just too nimble for surprise attacks to work effectively, and continued hopping his way up. “Quick!” hissed Chessur, already on the move, “You must not let Rabbit evade you!” “Right. Yea,” I mumbled, following in his footsteps.
Leaping up the rocks was definitely harder than the Rabbit made it look. And coupled with having to duck frantically behind or below nearby ledges from the occasional boulder sent rolling our way. With only Chessur’s sharp eyes for any warning, I had came up with some choice swear words to yell in the Soldiers’ faces if I ever saw them. Not that they would understand me, I thought belatedly, but on the bright side, I’ll be able to play netball better in the future, what with all this jumping. “Now, be careful. The Ant Soldiers’ outpost is just past the waterfall,” cautioned Chessur as he…vanished. “Great,” I muttered, trying to see past the rushing water to spot the best place to land. I was going to be sopping, and…salty. Not a good combination.
“Come here where I can beat you up, Ants!” I challenged, whipping out my splinter staff in one hand and Blade in another. Turning about on four legs, two Ants, seeming completely unruffled by the threat posed by either weapon, took aim at me with their rifles and fired. Strafing left, I just managed to avoid one projectile, but felt searing pain as the second bolt grazed my right arm. More concerned on getting these irritations out of the way as soon as possible rather than the wound, which throbbed in pain from the salty spray thrown up by the rushing falls), I thought fast, pulling out two small metal plates from thin air to deflect the next two shots, then flung both Blade and Staff at their heads. The Blade stabbed through the tough exoskeleton into the soft flesh, but the Staff simply knocked the soldier senseless, long enough for me to retrieve the blade and cut off his head. Now that the coast was temporarily clear, I inspected the rock face on which the first two projectiles had hit, and realized with mixed outrage and intrigue that the “bolts” were a mixture of strong acids, already burning my skin from the light graze, and now eating rapidly through the rock. Nothing a bandage wouldn’t solve, though, and I resolved to inspect ant bites more carefully in the future. On a related side note, ants are now my least favourite insect.
“Alice! Over there!” “Huh?” Snapping out of my pain-induced reverie, I turned to see one last ant soldier skittering away, before searching his backpack for something. “Take him down before he sounds the alarm!” hissed Chessur. BREEEE!!! “Well, too late.” I dropped down on one knee and fired three shards in a row, but the distress signal had done its deed. As the Soldier twitched in its dying throes, the air was suddenly thick with loud humming noises. Looking up from the insect corpse, I spied three Ladybugs beating their wings rapidly and heading toward us, clutching a peculiarly-shaped object each. “Is our situation not dismal? Wonderland is so discombobulated that ladybugs gave turned belligerent and enlisted in the Queen’s Army. Punish their conversion.” “For what? I’d saw off their heads before their pincers can catch me. They can’t do anything to me…” I said smugly.
Before I even finished speaking, though, one Lady Bug flew ahead of the rest, directly overhead, and released what seemed like an acorn. “Look out!” Chessur broadsided me to hit the rocky wall, and I watched, as if in slow motion, the acorn land heavily on the ground and…explode, peppering the area with hard shell-bits. Wafting away the burnt smell in the air, I got up, Staff at the ready. “ I get your point,” I growled, gritting my teeth. The Lady Bugs thankfully didn’t prove much of a challenge. One glass shard was quite enough to send them tumbling down lifelessly into the rushing stream below. “And now, onward! Insects or not,” Chessur proclaimed smoothly. “Easy for you to say. I can’t just shake my dress to get rid of excess water.” On top of all that, my shoes were going to be ruined. This is not turning out to be a good day.
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“And what’s all this? Did someone die? Or have you lost your family?” as luck would have had it, I’d lost the Rabbit during the tussle with the bugs, but chanced upon, if I remembered right, the greatest contributor to the tears in the Vale: the Mock Turtle. “No, my shell! The Duchess stole it and tried to eat me for lunch. Nobility must be served, I suppose…” he sobbed. “Oh, do stop all that wailing, won’t you?” I admonished. Flicking away tears, he turned to glare at me. “You’re very cold-blooded for a mammal. I was almost soup!” “Most tragic, I’m sure, but I’m a bit pressed for time. Have you seen a rabbit, by any chance?” “Hmm...Twitchy nose, shifty eyes, constantly consults his pocket watch? Most peculiar beast.”
Speaking of peculiar beasts, he himself was a creature with a rather ridiculous appearance. I’d cry all day myself if I caught my reflection in the mirror looking like that. Having a dry, scaly body and four clawed flippers, as was befitting a reptile (though when I saw him his skin was glistening—whether from his substantial tearing or some well-spent time in the water I wasn’t sure) his head was, quite ludicrously, that of a bull. A rather healthy, large bull head with similarly long curved horns to go with it. In fact, the only reason I could call him a “Turtle” with a straight face was the fact that he usually had a thick shell on his back. And today it was missing.
“Well, he’s very dear to me. Do you have any idea how I might find him?” Not really. But the Caterpillar would know, I’m sure. He knows everything there is to know.” Turning up my nose in disgust, I snorted. “And where does that smushy lay-about hang his hookah these days?” “Ever since the troubles began he’s gone into hiding. I might know of his secret hidey-hole, but the Red Queen has eyes and ears everywhere. I really couldn’t risk telling you without…something in return.” “Risk nothing, gain nothing.” “His whereabouts then, for my shell. The Duchess won’t part with it willingly.” “Then I’ll teach her to part with it unwillingly.” “You are most brave. But I must warn you, she treats everything as food!” He glanced up. From an overhead branch, two leaves had detached themselves and were spiraling their way down into the river. Stepping lightly on one leaf, he instructed me, “Hop on and follow me. I’ll show you the way to the Duchess’ house. Ride the currents, but do be careful not to fall in. I’d hate to think of voracious fishes snapping at your limbs.” With that, he rode off along one meandering current, leaving me waiting. “Sigh. Thanks for the patience,” I grumbled at his receding figure.
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He paused before the door and paced for a while, before stepping onto the weight marker and tapping in the entry code. Then, after he had lowered his paw into the clear green gel, allowing numerous nano-biometric sensors to identify him, the crimson metal doors slid open smoothly to allow his entry to the palace. Striding proudly upon the checkerboard floor constructed of alternating squares of ruby and obsidian, the dim red light shed by the sparse light-crystals did not slow him—if anything, the near infrared surroundings boosted his vision as he made for the dais at the end of the nearly-empty Royal Chamber. Upon it, a mighty throne reared up high, towering over the other six, where, clad in their finest, the Lords and Ladies of the remaining ruling Suits: Spades, Diamonds and Clubs, were seated. The bubble of intense (but as he knew, mostly useless) discussion had been cut off and all six pairs of eyes now gazed at him, haughtily but curiously as he continued to stride towards the current Queen of Wonderland and Looking Glass Land, who was looking out a rose-tinted window pensively rather than actively taking part in the discussion.
“Your Imperial Viciousness, I have news of urgent nature to inform you of…” he whispered, glancing at the Lords and Ladies,”…alone.” Without turning to face him, or anyone else, she flicked her hand dismissively at the Royals, while side doors emblazoned with their respective suit symbols opened in the granite walls. As one, the Lords and Ladies rose from their thrones and swept into their respective chambers without comment, leaving behind a frigid silence.
Still displeased at being ranked lower than an animal, I see, thought the feline assassin. Inconsequential. Anyway, I am an animal important enough for that especial honour. “Another Earthling has made her way to Wonderland…with that fool Niven’s help of course.” “And this happens to be urgent because…” He hesitated at Her Imperial Viciousness’s icy tone, sensing the famous command at the tip of her tongue. “Your Imperial Viciousness, if the Card Guards’ reports are to be believed, this one could prove to be a real threat to the Queendom. Judging by the sheer number of Card Guards she has slain, she would strike them motionless with fear by her mere presence…if they had feelings in the first place. She has shown extreme cunning, bravery and brutality that could almost mat—“CRACK!! The sharp slap echoed throughout the vacant chamber, and the Red Queen’s talon-like nails left deep grooves in The Cat’s skin where she had slapped.
He tensed, knowing what would follow, yet was unable to stop himself from dropping to the cool floor, both paws clutching his face as he yowled new levels of agony. “I created you to be my personal bodyguard, assassin, spy, and the counter to the ever-present threat of the elusive Chessur, not to prove a demoralising presence to my troops. If you do not have the will, if you do not have the lust for battle, you have nothing. I will not hear such pessimism coming from you again. The Cards may lack the necessary skill not unlike their masters, but they have the numbers, as well as my master tactics to fall back upon.” Brimming with cold fury, she glided back to her blood-red throne. “Now leave. And if you’re interested, I was using Jujub Bird poison today.” Feeling his face swelling like an overripe pumpkin beneath his hard clasp, he managed no more than a nod before slinking out, wanting to face her rage no more.
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